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Well, shall I say that after the New Year, life got fast as it always does. Nevertheless, if you remember, in our previous post, I mentioned this cool book I’m reading, Loving Your Man Without Losing Your Mind. Now, just go ahead and admit it… that title would have sucked you in pretty good too I suspect. We all know that there are just some times when your husband drives you insane and you have to work like super hard to keep your grip and not breathe fire at some point. So, in the book, authored by Susan Davis, she discusses one of the things that has happened to ALL of us at some point in time… that of riding with your husband and figuring out quickly that he has veered off the beaten path somehow and secretly has no idea where he’s heading but absolutely refuses to give up some of his manhood to stop and ask. So…. what to do, what to do? Sure, you fake needing to stop and go to the restroom and quickly dart in and ask directions to find your way back to being on the right track. You are at a crossroads — teeter-tottering on the brink of a brewing argument and doing your absolute best to continue to see love in translation. And so our story begins today…
Are There Times When We Create Fertile Ground for an Argument?
So, think about the above story in the first paragraph… I can boldly answer the question with a resounding, “YES!” As, Susan Davis, the author puts it, we can turn a missed turn into “marital mayheim!” What comes next after we fertilize this sacred ground… for me, I think it’s the silent treatment and the ability to see who can wait the other one out by not saying anything. Sound familiar… yep, thought so! We absolutely can get so lost in our marital communication and oh my goodness is it ever important for a successful marriage. Without it, we feel defeated, discouraged, and on any given day, we might lack the desire to make any of it better.
Are You Talking With Your Husband or… “AT” Your Husband?
Oh, yes… a capital YES! Guilty as charged for sure. Reflect on your last instance of “blurting out” at your husband. What was your intent? Did you really mean to blurt out your comments or were you even really thinking about the power of the tongue or of your words? I know sometimes I am not even paying attention to the perception of the words that I might be stating or I might even be having a good case of “diarrhea of the mouth.” Have you ever had that one happen to you? We can accelerate a situation from 0 to 60 really fast if we aren’t careful about what it is that we are saying and what is our intent? It’s not that we don’t love one another… it is simply just miscommunication at its best! The communication ditches open up and we throw ourselves into them head first! We simply just blurt out what we are thinking not considering the impact of our words on our husbands. Sometimes, may times, our lapse in judgement can land us in a all-out bonafide fight!
Why Do We Act the Worst with the Ones We Love the Most?
I have wondered this so many times… and I have tried to chalk it off as our better half is supposed to be there to listen and allow us to “bounce off” of him the good, bad, and the ugly. We know what we do and what we say aren’t always the most accurate reflection of our feelings inside for sure. It’s no secret that daily living consists of a lot of hardships and sometimes those irritations manifest themselves through the things we say to those we love the most. Does your husband and kids get the WORST of you or do they get the BEST of you? Think about this and reflect… I know my answer, and you probably do as well right? One might say we operate on a “love most, act worse” philosophy rather than a “love most, act best philosophy.”
Let’s Translate the Truth
In Titus, Paul references how the older women are to encourage the younger women to love their children and husband, but in this scenario, he’s not discussing that all loving agape love, he references another type of love — that of phileo love. So, in the daily wear and tear of our life, could we be missing some of the later… that of phileo love. So, essentially, we know we have agape love for our husbands, but maybe we are lacking the other — phileo love. It is this type of love that helps us check our words that are about to spill out of our mouth and do damage. Do our words and actions live out or portray how much we love our husband?
Something is Lost in Translation
Okay, so is it fair to say that we all can use some more phileo love — the love which allows us to not fuel a quarrel or better yet — start one! Probably, it is safe to say that if we don’t all take a healthy dose of phileo love, there will be something lost in the translation of our communication. Arguing and/or fighting is so hard on a marriage — it attack the relationship at its very core — your ability to be together. If repeated over and over, it wrecks all the wonderful, great things about your marriage.
God Can Help Us Keep It Together
Of course, God can help and wants to help all of us have an awesome marriage and it all starts with the right kind of communication. Reflect on whether your communication with your spouse is headed in the right direction. Make a commitment to “ban all the crazies” in your marriage and you will be a step closer to loving your man without losing your mind.
Questions for Reflection:
- What are things that create unfriendliness in your marriage?
- How often do you find yourself doing things that bother your husband? What would you say causes you to do these things?
- How would phileo love impact your daily interactions with your husband?
- While phileo love is a love characterized by fond affection, agape love is a love characterized by unconditional acceptance. Why is it important to have both in your marriage?
- How do you give and receive phileo love?
- How do you give and receive agape love?
** Disclaimer… By the way… am I the one to be giving marital advice? HECK NO!! Why do you think I bout this book LOL… I needed the advice myself!
Have an awesome Tuesday afternoon!